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The Tale of Davie Bones Coffin
Long before charts were drawn and trade winds named,
there sailed a pirate spoken of only in whispers.
They called him Davey Bones.
While other captains hunted gold and silver,
Bones hunted something rarer... flavor.
He captained a weather-scarred vessel known as Born Bitter,
a ship sworn not to plunder ports,
but to heist the essence of the world itself.
When word reached him of a spice grown on a distant shore,
a bean roasted beneath a foreign sun,
or a fruit kissed by salt and storm,
Bones would pound the rail and cry:
“Hoist the colors… and heist the flavors!”
From the Caribbean to the Gulf,
from jungle hills to island docks,
he collected smoke, sweetness, bitterness, and fire...
sealing each discovery into barrels marked only with sigils and scars.
The Oath To The Barrel
Legend holds that Davey Bones made a vow few pirates ever would.
When death finally claimed him,
he ordered his crew not to bury him in sand nor sink him to the deep.
Instead, he was to be Buried in the Barrel.
His body was laid inside a rum cask,
packed with a golden cup filled with every flavor he had ever stolen,
sealed tight,
and cast to sea.
Storms carried the barrel for generations.
After a violent hurricane tore through the Caribbean and swept into the Gulf,
the cask washed ashore on Captiva Island,
where it was quietly recovered and locked away in a forgotten history vault.
There it slept...
Waiting...
The Flavor Archeologist
Years later, whispers of the barrel reached
a man obsessed with lost tastes and forbidden blends,
Flavor Archeologist Professor T. Dude.
Unable to resist,
he slipped into the vault under cover of night,
cracked the ancient barrel,
and reclaimed what history had hidden.
What he found changed everything.
Inside the cask were not only the remains of Bones,
but a hidden recipe, etched and oil-stained, simply titled:
Born Bitter... The same name as his ship!
An elixir Bones drank every morning before setting sail.
Its core ingredients:
- Pure Colombian coffee beans
- Natural cocoa from Ambergris Caye, now known as Belize
- Botanicals blackened by smoke and sea air
Professor T. Dude smuggled the relics back to the lab,
where he and his partner, the mad flavor scientist Cesar began their work.
The Smoke & The Coffin
Fearing rival pirates might steal
the final essence of Davey Bones himself,
the Professor made a difficult choice.
The bones and fragments of the barrel were placed ceremonially
above a golden chalice of rum.
As fire was applied,
the smoke fell downward,
the heat awakened the spirit,
and the flavors ignited.
What followed was not destruction...
but transformation.
The notes were recorded feverishly into a notebook now known as:
The Davey Bones Smoky Coffin Cremation
From this ritual came two legacies:
- Davey Bones Barrel: A signature smoked rum expression
- Born Bitter: reborn as a modern bitters blend
And in honor of the ship that carried it all…
The name Born Bitter lives on...